Authors: rohandove and lilithilien
Pairing: Sean Bean/Hugh Jackman/Dave Wenham
Disclaimer: We so wish they were ours, but sadly, they're not.
Notes: A very silly something written to help soothe CJ's spinning head. (We know your head's not spinning as badly now as when we started this, but we hope you'll still get a chuckle.)
He stopped, admiring the view. He loved his back yard. The view, the sky, the flowers he just planted... Sean's motorcycle. Sean's motorcycle? What in blazes was that doing here?
He headed down to the tool shed, which doubled as a gardener's shed, and smiled as his hand went to the knob. Yes, Sean was in there, he heard that familiar voice....
"You know, I don't think I can move like that, mate." Sean's voice intoned with some concern, Dave stopped dead, who was he talking too? Dave's hand lingered a moment on the knob, "It's too hard, it won't fit in there."
"It'll fit, the book says it will." Dave recognized Hugh's voice. It wasn't unusual for Hugh to drop in unannounced, he'd bought a house within easy walking distance. But what was he doing here with Sean? Or, em, did he really want to know?
Dave rested his ear against the door and heard Hugh say with exasperation. "Look, here's the diagram. You've just got to get it into the hole." There was a pause, and then Hugh said, as if he was impressed, "Wow, how did they do that? They must be acrobats!" Sean laughed, and then Hugh joined in. Their laughter was contagious, and Dave found himself chuckling.
Between giggles, Hugh said, "Maybe you've just gotta push harder." There was a pause, then, "That's it. Push it in, Sean!"
"I'm pushing as hard as I can!" Sean laughed, "who knew it would be so stiff!" A grunt was heard, and something shifted on a table, like a weight, "This isn't working. We are going to have to come at it from another angle. Here you stand there, on the side, and hold this." More sounds of shuffling, "Now hold it tight, don't move."
There was a series of grunts, muffled curses and various sounds that Dave could not determine, but his eyes grew wider with each noise.
Sean finally let out a deep breath, "I think we are going to need some lubricant or something to help it slide easier, any ideas?"
Hugh laughed heartily. "Always with the lube, Bean. Can't you take it like a man?" Dave heard what distinctly sounded like bare flesh being slapped, followed by a loud "Ow!" from Hugh. More grunting ensued, then Hugh said, "OK, you're right, we need lube. Your choice - there's lemon oil in my pocket, or there's engine grease there for the lawn mower ... at least, I hope Dave uses it for the lawn mower. Who knows what he gets up to out here." Dave heard muffled chuckles, followed by more shuffling, and finally Hugh's voice exclaimed, "There ... you got it ... almost in ... YES!"
Dave couldn't stand it anymore. He threw the door open wide and rushed into the shed, his eyes wide with confusion.
"What in the name of all that is...!" Dave stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him. Sean Bean and Hugh Jackman stood at his workbench, covered in drapery fabric, with a pole sticking straight up in the air and Hugh standing there with a can of oil rubbing it in onto the metal pole. Both men turned to look at Dave, Sean blew the fabric draped over his head out of his eyes. "Hey Dave!" He smiled, and watched as Dave blinked, trying to take in what was going on, "You said you always wanted drapes down here so the neighbors couldn't see in." Sean laughed at Dave's look, "What?"
"But you... and he and... there was... 'Push it in!'" Dave stammered out the words.
Hugh leaned close, "He thinks we were being naughty, Sean."
"David!" Sean said abruptly, in a mock stern voice, "For shame."